Thursday, February 9, 2012

You Go Girl!

Usually when my kept daughter, Cindy, asks if she can go to church with a friend we normally let her go.  Cindy and I go to the church I grew up in, but we let her experience her friends churches as well.  The church we belong to is small and it is not a big name church here in the Bible Belt in Texas, our religion is more common on the east coast.  Plus, it's good for Cindy to experience these things, keeps her open-minded.  If there is something she questions our Minister is pretty good at explaining it for Cindy.

Last night Cindy was invited to attend an event with her friend at their church.  We told her she could go.  So she went, but when she came home she was angry and was in tears!

This woman from this church told the group of kids they must obey their parents, no matter what.  (okay, no big deal)  

The woman explained that if their parents were drug addicts they shouldn't do the drugs with them, but protect them and give them a chance.  So Cindy asked, "if your Father is a meth addict who admitted to putting your life in jeopardy then you are suppose to protect him and give him another chance?"  The woman said yes.  Cindy told me she wanted to tell the lady she was a dumbass, but she didn't want to embarrass her friends.

Sometime during this event the woman got on the subject of adoption...Cindy's ears perked up.

The woman explained to everyone that children who were adopted were "saved".  Cindy bit her tongue, she wanted to hear the crap that was about to come out of this woman's mouth. (Cindy's words, not mine) These children were saved from a life of poverty, they were saved from drug addicted parents, they were saved from parents who had no morals, they were saved from uneducated parents who would live a life of crime.  Cindy became angry, she knew these were lies.

At the end of this horrible event Cindy approached the woman.  "I was I suppose to give my meth addict birth father a second chance because he was my father, but adopted children were "saved" from drug addicted parents.  You can't have it both ways, so am I suppose to give him a second chance or am I suppose to be thankful because I was saved?"  The woman asked Cindy what church does she go to, Cindy told her she goes to a church where we are taught that God loves everyone, no matter what.

Cindy asked another question.  "How do you know for a fact that these adopted children would live a life you have described earlier?"  The woman gave Cindy a lame answer, "because that is what happens".  Cindy told her she was wrong and she explained "What happens is people like you convince young mothers they can NOT do it instead of helping them find the resources they need to help keep their family together.  The child grows up not knowing their true heritage, their true family and the Birthmother is left to live a life of never knowing her child, she is left with a sadness that no one can understand if they did not lose a child to adoption.  A family is broken because people like you think you are better than the mother"

The woman told Cindy she was wrong and she was to young to know anything about this.  Cindy told her "No, I am not wrong and no I am not too young.  You are wrong.  Because of people like you my older sister was taken from my Mom.  Because of people like you my family was torn apart.  Because of people like you I have to grow up not knowing my older sister and she had to grow up not knowing her little sister."

Cindy comes home angry and in tears.  I told her this wouldn't be the last time she would hear ignorant people speak like that.  Once her crying stopped and she calmed down she went to my husband (the extreme atheist with a touch of agnostic).  He laughed and told her she shouldn't be so upset, churches push their beliefs onto people whether they are right or wrong.  This church believes you're Mom is nothing but a "crack-whore breeder", but it's okay, we know she is just had your first experience with someone who had their head up their ass, and this won't be the last.

Cindy comes up and hugs me good night and she tells me this woman was wrong and these lies have to stop because they hurt so many people.  I gave her a kiss and told her she has just begun the battle.

I'm proud of my sweet baby girl...she is turning into quite the little "adoption fighter".  Who knows, maybe someday in the future her voice will be heard.


Rebecca Hawkes said...

I hope that all of our voices will be heard one day!

Susie said...

Yay for your daughter!! How wonderful that she is strong enough to speak out like that.

birthmothertalks said...

Wow! You must be really proud of her. High five for her speaking the truth. I love that she told the lady you can't have it both ways.

Carlynne Hershberger, CPSA said...

Bravo to your daughter! Her strength and commitment to standing up for what's right is impressive.

A Season For Every Activity said...

What an amazing young lady you are raising! I remember the day my middle son (oldest kept son) came home from school upset that a friend had just found out she was pregnant and going to give the baby up for adoption. He did not know about my first son and I had often questioned how to tell him, talk about God opening the door and shoving me through! Anyway, to make a long story short, we had a very long heartfelt conversation that afternoon about his older brother and what he might be like and how much my middle son had lost out on due to the decisions my family made for me. He was extremely mad at the choices that were pushed on me, but also understood that I would not have had the support needed to raise his brother, that I did not find out I would have had support till long after it was too late.
We also talked about the pros and cons of all of the choices his friend could make when it comes to this little child’s life. Then I explained to him that what might be right for him may not be right for her, that “she” needs to make the choice, not a counselor, her friends or her family; that in the end, she is the one that she will be the on raising this child. I also explained that he needed to be there to listen and not push and that our family would help in any way we could, even if it was just to listen.
She decided to keep her little guy and raise him on her own, grandma stepped up and is a regular part of their lives. I love running into them at the store and hearing how he’s giving her a run for her money and wreaking havoc wherever he goes because her face lights up with love whenever she starts talking about both of her babies (married and second child now).
First parents, birth parents, biological parents, or whatever we’re being called this week, we’re not all drug addicts, raised without morals, or uneducated… we’re people that love our children and have made the choice to give our children a different life than what we could give them, we pray that the family that is chosen for them will love them and raise them as their own. Give that young lady a high five for me and a big thank-you for defending first parents.