Monday, January 30, 2012

Oh Crystal Ball, What Does Her Future Hold?

First/Birth/Natural/Biological Mothers have been repeatedly told the same thing through the years by those in a higher, authoritarian position.  We are told how our unborn children deserve better, we are not good enough, we would live a life of ruin, etc, etc, etc.  They have been repeating the same words over and over for decades.  The Mothers who have been coerced, manipulated and threatened into losing their infant children to adoption can repeat these words in an almost trance-like state, we were like little robots repeating these words year after year, until some of us finally get our strength back and we can fight back.

The people who do the dirty work, you know the ones...they sit there with a warm and gentle look on their face explaining what a horrible life this Mother would have if she kept her baby and then they will go into another room grinning from ear to ear lying to the "Hopeful Adoptive Parents".  Telling them how they will soon be parents because a baby will be coming soon and the "Biological Mother" can't wait to get on with her life, everything will be perfect, etc, etc, etc.

These people who are in charge of manipulating expectant Mothers, who are they?

Are they some kind of psychic who can predict without a doubt the unborn child would live a life of poverty if they were raised with their own Natural Mother?  No, they are people who do what they can to get the unborn child and hand them over to couples who would in return hand over their life savings.  These people are like sleazy salesmen who sell stolen merchandise out of the trunks of cars.

Do these people gaze into a magical crystal ball asking to show the expectant Mother what a horrible life they will give their unborn child?  No, they see dollar signs.  It is a legal way for them to sell human beings, make a profit.  These people threaten and coerce naive unmarried expectant teen Mothers so they hand over their babies so these people can sell them to the highest bidder. 

Are they Oracles?  Does God speak to them telling them the expectant Mother will live a life of despair if they do not relinquish their child?  No, these people prey on expectant Mothers who have a less than perfect home life.  "oh, you're parents are divorced?  You will continue the cycle if you keep your baby."  "Oh, you were raised in an abusive home?  You will continue the cycle if you keep your baby."  "Oh, your father was non-existent in your life?  Is that what you want for this baby?" and so on and so on and so on.  These people think they have higher morals, higher values than the expectant Mother.  These people play off of the fears the expectant Mother has, they never tell her what her options really are.

So all those years ago my Counselor Brainwasher / Manipulator played off of my fears.  She threw statistics out there...saying statistically I will be this, statistically I will be that, statistically there is no hope for me.  Statistics.  Statistics.  Statistics.  How I hate that word.  Statistics.  I will be destined to live in a cardboard box under I-20 in Downtown Dallas if I kept my child.  My child would only receive clothes and toys from charities if I were to keep her.  My child would never have her own room, a yard to play in and other children would tease her because she is poor.  These are a few of the things that were "predicted" for my future if I kept my baby.

Who was this woman who could sit there and honestly predict my future?  Nope, she wasn't a psychic, she didn't have a crystal ball, she wasn't an oracle.  She was someone who became a Master Manipulator in her many years of working for the Agency.  This woman knew how to play on my fears, she knew how to make me feel guilty for even considering raising MY child, she was very good at her job.


Her job.

It takes a cold, heartless person with no conscience to sit there and manipulate a scared teenager like that so she can get her hands on the unborn child.

Have these people ever stopped once to put themselves in our shoes?  Have they ever taken a moment to think what it feels like to be separated from their child and continue living with a huge void in their heart? Probably not, because if they did they would not be able to do their jobs.


Anonymous said...

I am not trying to come down on you at all, in fact I find your story so heartbreaking. I am just curious: what is your stance on birth parents who honestly don't want to keep their infant? I had a friend make an open adoption placement. She was someone who had always known she didn't want to be a mother. She had originally decided to have an abortion when she found out she was pregnant, but changed her mind and decided to carry the baby to term and then find adoptive parents. I guess I just wanted to know because it sounds like you are 100% against domestic infant adoption, but I can honestly say that this is what my friend wanted, and to this day she feels she made the right choice.

I am so so sorry for your loss. I pray that one day you will be reunited with your precious daughter. I am glad you have realized that the things you were told at 18 were lies, and that you are worth so much more than any of those people said.

In Blind Faith said...

Anon - I can not speak for people who do not want to keep their infant and I can not speak for First Mothers who choose open adoption. I can only speak from the experience of being a First Mother in a Closed Adoption...that is what I was threatened and forced into choosing.

Yes, I am 100% against domestic infant adoption. What about the children in the foster care system? Aren't they deserving of a loving, nurturing home too?

Thank you for your prayers, I hope one day my First Daughter will realize that I have always wanted her and have (and will) always loved her.