Tuesday, January 17, 2012

A Missing Sister

The daughter I am raising (who I will call Cindy) was told last August that she has an older half-sister, Ashley.  Cindy wasn't upset about the news, she was happy to hear that she really does have a sister.  She understood what happened and she understood that me losing a child to adoption was completely different than her biological father losing his parental rights.  I was young and was coerced, manipulated and threatened...he was a meth addict who admitted to endangering her life...two completely different animals.

Cindy is a smart kid, wise beyond her years.  School Teachers, Principals, and School Counselors keep trying to lump her into the general cloud, they get frustrated because she doesn't act and respond like every girl her age.  Bottom line is...Cindy is not a doormat.  Things are either right or they are wrong, she stands back and analyzes situations and then decides if it is a cause worth fighting for, if she decides it worth fighting for then she will stand up and fight to the bitter end.  With her peers she is someone that likes to stand out in a crowd, she doesn't do this for attention, she is comfortable in her own skin and doesn't see the point in being like everyone else.  Cindy embraces her "inner weirdness" and we are proud of her for it, her friends love it.  They come to her with their problems and she helps them find a solution.  She is capable of recognizing people for who they are, she is starting to see through their BS and see what kind of person they really are.  If she knows they have a good heart then she embraces them, protects them and thinks of them has her Sisters.

For three years now Cindy has been bullied by this one girl.  We know it is jealousy, but this bully has been obsessed with Cindy.  It started in 5th grade, Cindy tried to be friends with this girl, but it got worse.  The summer before 6th grade the bully managed to get Cindy's best friend to turn against her, Cindy was devastated.  In 6th grade Cindy tried to be polite towards the bully, but it didn't work.  Cindy turned in bully reports, but her school wanted to bury their heads in the sand.  The summer before 7th grade the bully started threatening Cindy on facebook, we started documenting.  So far this year the bully has sent threatening text messages to Cindy, started rumors, tried unsuccessfully to get the 8th graders to gang up on Cindy.  Bully reports were again filed and again, nothing happened.  The bully managed to get Cindy's best friend since Kindergarten to turn against her and the bully talked this other girl into shoving Cindy into a Teacher.  Again, the school principal acknowledged Cindy was being bullied, but he can't do anything.  Needless to say, after this conversation with the school counselor and the principal we are now labeled one of "those" parents.  Damn straight we are one of those parents...Cindy will not be forced to be a doormat by her school.

The point is...

7th grade is tough.  I'm sure a lot of you can remember what 7th grade was like.  There is hormonal girl drama like no tomorrow.  Cindy can deal with the drama, she's got a good head on her shoulders.  She is being bullied by a girl who has spent the last three years being hell bent on destroying her for some sick reason.  Cindy has all of her friends and acquaintances running to her for advice and solutions to their problems.  Cindy has no one to turn to besides her parents and Grandma.

This post is not about Cindy being bullied...

Adoption has separated two sisters.  This is a time in Cindy's life where she needs to lean on someone, unfortunately she is the youngest of two daughters being raised as an only child.  With sisters there is a special bond, they share the same blood, DNA, they have a unique understanding into what makes the other tick.  Cindy knows she has an older half sister.  So instead of having a sister to lean on, to seek guidance from, to be a shoulder to cry on she has only her parents and Grandma.  My husband can only do so much, he was never an almost 13 year old girl.  Me and Grandma can only help so much...things have changed since we were her age.  She really needs Ashley, but Ashley was lost to adoption.

So I wonder....I see where Cindy needs her Sister.  Is it possible for Ashley to need her little sister too?  A sister who shares the same blood, DNA and family history.

Photo:  Graphics Hunt


birthmothertalks said...

It is possible that she needs her little sister or wishes she had one. Does Ashley know she has one? My daughter even though there was information easily could have been given to her about her hqving half brothers she didn't know anything about them until I made contact with her after she turned 18. She told me she always felt like she was a twin and really wanted a sister. Sorry about the bullying at school. Its really a shame that they are not doing more to help your daughter.

Staci said...

It is very possible Ashley needs her little sister. I know I need mine, I have the most fierce feelings of protectiveness over her. I always say if someone looks at her the wrong way I will hurt them. I know she needs me, she told me when she was 8. Its just sad my momma doesn't care about that but if she ever called me because she needed me I would find a way to teleport myself to her to be there for her. I love her so much, the sister bond is special I hope that your daughters will get the chance to experience it.