You Go Girl!

Usually when my kept daughter, Cindy, asks if she can go to church with a friend we normally let her go.  Cindy and I go to the church I grew up in, but we let her experience her friends churches as well.  The church we belong to is small and it is not a big name church here in the Bible Belt in Texas, our religion is more common on the east coast.  Plus, it's good for Cindy to experience these things, keeps her open-minded.  If there is something she questions our Minister is pretty good at explaining it for Cindy.

Last night Cindy was invited to attend an event with her friend at their church.  We told her she could go.  So she went, but when she came home she was angry and was in tears!

This woman from this church told the group of kids they must obey their parents, no matter what.  (okay, no big deal)  

The woman explained that if their parents were drug addicts they shouldn't do the drugs with them, but protect them and give them a chance.  So Cindy asked, "if your Father is a meth addict who admitted to putting your life in jeopardy then you are suppose to protect him and give him another chance?"  The woman said yes.  Cindy told me she wanted to tell the lady she was a dumbass, but she didn't want to embarrass her friends.

Sometime during this event the woman got on the subject of adoption...Cindy's ears perked up.

The woman explained to everyone that children who were adopted were "saved".  Cindy bit her tongue, she wanted to hear the crap that was about to come out of this woman's mouth. (Cindy's words, not mine) These children were saved from a life of poverty, they were saved from drug addicted parents, they were saved from parents who had no morals, they were saved from uneducated parents who would live a life of crime.  Cindy became angry, she knew these were lies.

At the end of this horrible event Cindy approached the woman.  "I was I suppose to give my meth addict birth father a second chance because he was my father, but adopted children were "saved" from drug addicted parents.  You can't have it both ways, so am I suppose to give him a second chance or am I suppose to be thankful because I was saved?"  The woman asked Cindy what church does she go to, Cindy told her she goes to a church where we are taught that God loves everyone, no matter what.

Cindy asked another question.  "How do you know for a fact that these adopted children would live a life you have described earlier?"  The woman gave Cindy a lame answer, "because that is what happens".  Cindy told her she was wrong and she explained "What happens is people like you convince young mothers they can NOT do it instead of helping them find the resources they need to help keep their family together.  The child grows up not knowing their true heritage, their true family and the Birthmother is left to live a life of never knowing her child, she is left with a sadness that no one can understand if they did not lose a child to adoption.  A family is broken because people like you think you are better than the mother"

The woman told Cindy she was wrong and she was to young to know anything about this.  Cindy told her "No, I am not wrong and no I am not too young.  You are wrong.  Because of people like you my older sister was taken from my Mom.  Because of people like you my family was torn apart.  Because of people like you I have to grow up not knowing my older sister and she had to grow up not knowing her little sister."

Cindy comes home angry and in tears.  I told her this wouldn't be the last time she would hear ignorant people speak like that.  Once her crying stopped and she calmed down she went to my husband (the extreme atheist with a touch of agnostic).  He laughed and told her she shouldn't be so upset, churches push their beliefs onto people whether they are right or wrong.  This church believes you're Mom is nothing but a "crack-whore breeder", but it's okay, we know she is not...you just had your first experience with someone who had their head up their ass, and this won't be the last.

Cindy comes up and hugs me good night and she tells me this woman was wrong and these lies have to stop because they hurt so many people.  I gave her a kiss and told her she has just begun the battle.

I'm proud of my sweet baby girl...she is turning into quite the little "adoption fighter".  Who knows, maybe someday in the future her voice will be heard.

A Missing Sister

The daughter I am raising (who I will call Cindy) was told last August that she has an older half-sister, Ashley.  Cindy wasn't upset about the news, she was happy to hear that she really does have a sister.  She understood what happened and she understood that me losing a child to adoption was completely different than her biological father losing his parental rights.  I was young and was coerced, manipulated and threatened...he was a meth addict who admitted to endangering her life...two completely different animals.

Cindy is a smart kid, wise beyond her years.  School Teachers, Principals, and School Counselors keep trying to lump her into the general cloud, they get frustrated because she doesn't act and respond like every girl her age.  Bottom line is...Cindy is not a doormat.  Things are either right or they are wrong, she stands back and analyzes situations and then decides if it is a cause worth fighting for, if she decides it worth fighting for then she will stand up and fight to the bitter end.  With her peers she is someone that likes to stand out in a crowd, she doesn't do this for attention, she is comfortable in her own skin and doesn't see the point in being like everyone else.  Cindy embraces her "inner weirdness" and we are proud of her for it, her friends love it.  They come to her with their problems and she helps them find a solution.  She is capable of recognizing people for who they are, she is starting to see through their BS and see what kind of person they really are.  If she knows they have a good heart then she embraces them, protects them and thinks of them has her Sisters.

For three years now Cindy has been bullied by this one girl.  We know it is jealousy, but this bully has been obsessed with Cindy.  It started in 5th grade, Cindy tried to be friends with this girl, but it got worse.  The summer before 6th grade the bully managed to get Cindy's best friend to turn against her, Cindy was devastated.  In 6th grade Cindy tried to be polite towards the bully, but it didn't work.  Cindy turned in bully reports, but her school wanted to bury their heads in the sand.  The summer before 7th grade the bully started threatening Cindy on facebook, we started documenting.  So far this year the bully has sent threatening text messages to Cindy, started rumors, tried unsuccessfully to get the 8th graders to gang up on Cindy.  Bully reports were again filed and again, nothing happened.  The bully managed to get Cindy's best friend since Kindergarten to turn against her and the bully talked this other girl into shoving Cindy into a Teacher.  Again, the school principal acknowledged Cindy was being bullied, but he can't do anything.  Needless to say, after this conversation with the school counselor and the principal we are now labeled one of "those" parents.  Damn straight we are one of those parents...Cindy will not be forced to be a doormat by her school.

The point is...

7th grade is tough.  I'm sure a lot of you can remember what 7th grade was like.  There is hormonal girl drama like no tomorrow.  Cindy can deal with the drama, she's got a good head on her shoulders.  She is being bullied by a girl who has spent the last three years being hell bent on destroying her for some sick reason.  Cindy has all of her friends and acquaintances running to her for advice and solutions to their problems.  Cindy has no one to turn to besides her parents and Grandma.

This post is not about Cindy being bullied...

Adoption has separated two sisters.  This is a time in Cindy's life where she needs to lean on someone, unfortunately she is the youngest of two daughters being raised as an only child.  With sisters there is a special bond, they share the same blood, DNA, they have a unique understanding into what makes the other tick.  Cindy knows she has an older half sister.  So instead of having a sister to lean on, to seek guidance from, to be a shoulder to cry on she has only her parents and Grandma.  My husband can only do so much, he was never an almost 13 year old girl.  Me and Grandma can only help so much...things have changed since we were her age.  She really needs Ashley, but Ashley was lost to adoption.

So I wonder....I see where Cindy needs her Sister.  Is it possible for Ashley to need her little sister too?  A sister who shares the same blood, DNA and family history.

Photo:  Graphics Hunt

Roadblocks Are Like Hurdles

Last night we went to my kept daughter's 7th grade expectation night, she picked up her schedule and id badge.  Looking at her schedule we noticed something wrong, they put her in theater arts for 1st semester and art for 2nd semester.  This is not what she requested...she quit the Synchronized Ice Skating Team to be in track for the spring semester.  So we go to the counselor table set up in the cafeteria.  We dropped the theater arts and requested art for the 1st semester...easy enough.  Track on the other hand was not so easy.  Last spring we were told Track was not a "try-out" sport, I thought this was a little odd, but we figured she would make it either way (this girl has some seriously strong legs).  The counselor told us she will make the adjustments for the Spring semester.

So now that her schedule seems to be settled we go to find her classrooms and teachers.  Things sure have changed since I was in 7th grade back in 1982!!  Seeing all the girls with feathers in their hair was the only familiar thing...okay, our feathers were attached to little "roachclips" and theirs are braided in.  My daughter was focused on finding her classes and it was funny seeing how annoyed she was getting when I would stop and hug my friends.  Ahhh...the joys of teen angst!

We were standing in line to meet my daughter's Math Teacher, a friend my daughter has known since kindergarten was in front of us with her parents.  We were talking and laughing and carrying on.  My daughter mentioned about requesting track and not having it listed on her schedule.  Her friend's dad asked my daughter if she thought she could make the track team if there was a try-out.  My husband laughed and said there was no doubt, thanks to Figure Skating she has the ability.  I laughed because the day before my daughter's private skating coach said that track would be good for her skating.  My daughter said there was no way she would do hurdles, her coach told her she would be willing to bet that hurdles would be her strong point.  I reminded my daughter last night that hurdles were simple, she could jump right over them.  Then it hit me...

Roadblocks are like hurdles.  All I have to do is just get a good running start and I could jump right over that roadblock. I need to remember as I am getting ready for my running start to keep in mind that there are things in my way and if I don't watch out I could trip and fall before I ever make it to the roadblock. 

And now to find out if the apartments I think my First Daughter lives in will accept a FEDex package for her and let her know...without an apartment number.