Friday, August 17, 2012

Tempted...

Humphrey Bogart as Sam Spade in the Maltese Falcon
After reading all of the comments from "Ignored" I'm starting to wonder...

Was sending the message too impersonal?  I know she shouldn't have any doubts as to who I am if she looked at my profile picture, we look to much alike for there to be any denial.

Is it possible her Adoptive Parents still have access to her facebook account?  Did they go in and delete it to prevent her from ever finding out the real reason why she was lost to adoption?

I thought about sending her a friend request, but the things I have heard about her adoptive parents I know it would be a bad idea...a very bad idea.  The last thing I want is for Ashley to be put into a position to where she feels guilty or where she feels she has to choose.  No Adoptee should ever have to have that kind of guilt placed on them and I would never risk putting her that position.

Will a hand written letter get her to respond to me?  This "not knowing" is driving me absolutely batty!!

I've searched and searched for an address for her.  I came across her resume last summer with her address listed, but she moved to California a few days before I found it.  Any other address that comes up belongs to her Adoptive Parents.  It appears her parents are still providing for her, and it looks like they are only leaving a trail to their house.  I know sending something to the parents house will not work, it will be intercepted, possibly destroyed...like every little token, letter, card I sent through the Agency.

A part of me wants to leave it as it is...

Another part of me wants to actually utilize intelius or peoplefinder to locate a physical address for her in California.  I'm hesitant because I don't know if it will be a waste of money.

Yes, Ashley rejecting me terrifies me, but would I be pushing too much?  She's only 24 years old now, she's still young.

Or has she been told so many lies about me that she has washed her hands of any possible communication?

I really don't like all of this waiting and not knowing...

I am tempted to send a letter FedEx, signature required, if I can only locate a physical address.  I'd also include a returned paid FedEx envelope for her to make it easier. 

So tempted, so, so tempted...








4 comments:

I never got to say goodbye said...

I hope she responds!

Sara said...

I think it would be great if you could locate a physical address for her that is separate from her adoptive parents'. That would give you an option for a real letter if you chose to do so and more certainty that she is in fact aware of how to get in touch with you should she be willing to do so. I too understand the debates of how to contact, what to say and how hard it is to wait. Good luck!

Heather said...

You should exhaust all options before giving up.

As a couple others stated on a previous post, she may not have received your FB message.

Don't leave room for more regrets in the future. From my vantage point, it's the what ifs that kill you.

birthmothertalks said...

Did you ever decide to do anything else? The whole second folder thing could be a real possibility.