Ripped up sheets of notebook paper.
The brand new pencil I was using is now just a nub and the eraser completely gone.
Sending a letter through the agency, or sending one on facebook was never this hard. I needed to write something that was going to get her attention. I needed a response...good or bad, I need something so I am no longer in limbo.
My girlfriend Jennifer sent me a text, "how are you doing?" I responded back with "I need to get drunk, pour my heart out into a 40 page draft. When I sober up I can condense it to no more that 2 pages". Jennifer replies "LOL"
Putting myself on paper is extremely difficult. Even writing here is very, very hard. It's just not possible for me to put me in writing...I'm way too animated to be on paper. So this draft letter is tough.
I came up with writing a story in third person, the story was about the circumstances surrounding Ashley's birth and how I wanted to keep her. I was going to write it on a piece of vellum and draw a picture to go underneath the vellum. I emailed Jennifer the draft story (I was going to write the rest as a regular letter).
Jennifer replied later. "I hate it!! This story should have a happy ending and YOU did NOT have a happy ending. This is not you."
A was a little relieved to hear that...this is so not me!! So it was back to the drawing board, a new pencil, new eraser and even more paper.
Jennifer tells me I'm thinking too hard on this. It appears Ashley is into her Leo sign so Jennifer suggests writing to her sign.
Why didn't I think about this before??
I'm an Aquarius to a T, all I need to do is research the Leo a little.
After studying up a little I send Jennifer a text. "A letter will not get a Leo's attention and writing a letter is not an Aquarian's style". Jennifer replies "Any ideas because not knowing is killing you". I reply back "how about a video. That will get her attention and she will see the similarities and that should get her curiosity really going". Jennifer responds "LOVE IT! I have a camera".
So, my approach will be different. Ashley will have something that not only tells her what she means to me, but she will have something where she can see that we look ALOT alike, she will hear my voice and hear my laughter. If she watches the video then she should respond.
**** Adoptees, I need your help!! ****What questions did you have for your First Mother before making any kind of contact? I would like to address this the a video.