Thursday, June 21, 2012

Call Me, Call Me Any, Anytime...Call Me

A few weeks ago the phone rang.  The name and number on the caller ID came up, it was a strange name...LSAN DA 10 CA and the area code and number I did not recognize.

I didn't think anything of it so I let it go to voicemail.  I head to our home office to listen for the person leaving the message...if I know who it is I'll just pick up.

Four rings, the voicemail picked up, the greeting started to play.  After the greeting said mine and my husband's name and before it finished saying my kept daughter's name the caller hung up.

Normally, I would not of thought twice about this, but when I heard the hang up my thoughts went immediately to Ashley, my First Daughter.

I know you are sitting there rolling your eyes, saying whatever...

The sound of the hang up was not a silent hang up from pushing the "end" button on a phone, no, the sound was an actual landline handset hanging up the phone.  I thought it was odd since we are now living in world where handsets are becoming rare...with cell phones and cordless phones  and their little "end" buttons.

Curiosity took over...

According to a google search the "name" is a district in Los Angeles.  It gave me a bunch of data that doesn't mean a hill of beans to me...nothing to help calm the sudden urgent need to reach out to Ashley.  Sure there are a lot of people and businesses in Los Angeles, it could be anyone or anything.  But I still have that "It's Ashley" feeling running through me.

Looking at the number I do giggle a little bit.  The prefix is the same prefix used in my hometown, the town she also grew up in.  It's just a silly coincidence.

Then I tried searching the phone number.  I'm telling myself this is ridiculous, I found her cell phone number a year ago and the area code is the same as mine.  A 23 year old with a landline?  Every 20 something I know is attached to a cell phone.  This is nuts.  If she wanted to call me why not call from her cell phone where I'm more likely to pick when I recognize the area code?

Or maybe her Adoptive Parents are still paying for her cell phone and she is afraid they would check the number?  Or maybe she doesn't want me to know what it is until she is sure everything works out.  There are a zillion "maybe" scenarios running through my mind.  She would have her reasons and that is perfectly alright!

The number...the phone number...I'm just getting my hopes up, that's all.  It couldn't be her.

My search pulled up that this number is an unlisted landline number and gives me the providers name.  No matter how I search it I get the same answer...unlisted landline.  Everything is screaming that this is not a business, if it were I could find out who the number belongs to.  This is a residential number...

It took everything I had to not call the number back.  If it was her would she screen her calls too?  Maybe panic set in with her and she couldn't follow through.  I sent her a message on facebook almost a year ago, she knows she can reach out to me that way.

With the phone in my hand, trying desperately to leave it alone, I called my mother instead.  Mom was surprised to hear what happened.  She talked me out of calling that number, "If it was her, and I hope it is, she is working up the courage.  Let her be in control of the first contact.  You have done what you could to reach out to her and tell her you are here for her, the ball is in her court."

The thought of speaking on the phone first terrifies me, because I'm sure I will come across as a babbling fool.  If this was her and this is how she wants to start it then I will just grab a glass of wine and answer the phone and savor every second like it was the only opportunity I would ever have to hear her voice.

So InBlindFaith I wait...patiently.

***the lsan "name" was changed from the one that appeared on my caller id to help keep her hidden.  


birthmothertalks said...

Hope it was your daughter. She might have even just wanted to hear your voice for now. Your posts is making me teary just thinking of your hopes and dreams and excitement.

In Blind Faith said...

Thank you!! I hope it was her too. Unfortunately if it was her she heard my husband's voice. Now if she wanted to hear my voice she would have to go to her friend (the waxing client I had a couple of years ago) and get my cell phone number :-)

I definitely have hopes and dreams, excitement hasn't really ran through me too much...there's something blocking us and I have a pretty good idea what it is (that's for a later post).

Rebecca Hawkes said...

Oh, I hope it was her! And I hope she calls back!

I'm waiting for a phone call, too. Received my first ever contact from my biological father yesterday by way of email. He promised he would call me "soon." Now I jump out of my skin anytime the phone rings!

I'm nervous about talking on the phone, too.

I never got to say goodbye said...

Oh my you have to be on the edge of your seat. I remember the first time I called my mom- we talked for a few minutes but were both crying so hard she said to call her back in 3 hours so she could compose herself. Longest 3 hours it seemed!

I never got to say goodbye said...

The first time I talked to my mom I was 20 years old and we were both crying so hard she asked me to call her back in 3 hours so she could compose herself. LONGEST 3 hours it seemed after waiting a lifetime to talk to her!

Rebecca Hawkes said...

Heard my bio dad's voice on the phone for the first time yesterday. His first words: "Are you ready for this?" Uh, no. There is nothing you can do to prepare for a conversation like that!

I really hope your daughter calls you! I hope she is slowly working up the nerve!