Monday, December 5, 2011

Frame By Frame

Yesterday I brought my daughter to Church for her Confirmation Class.  Confirmation is every other Sunday after Church...we have been skipping the Church services, just getting there for her classes.  It is annoying that it is after Church instead of before, but it works better for our new Minister.  Since Confirmation starts at 12:30 I'm stuck with being polite by acknowledging people who are still at "Coffee Hour".  I usually dread this, I know I shouldn't, but I do.  I went in yesterday and gave hugs and kisses to the people I had known my entire life and to my delight there was the Minister I had growing up.  I have always adored him.  He never judged me, never looked down on me, he just let me be me.

We'll call him Steve...

I snuck up behind Steve and gave him a big hug.  He asked if my kept daughter was there and I pointed her out to him.  He couldn't believe how much she had grown since he last saw her.  She came over to say hi and then she went off to her class.  After she walked away Steve asked how I was doing, I told him fine.  He gave me a serious look and asked "Ashley?"  My eyes welled up with tears.  He gave me another hug.  I told him how this emptiness I have carried has sucked, I wanted her to be in my life.  I caught him up to where I was today...where Ashley is today.

"Frame by frame."  That's what he said.  I was confused.  Steve had to explain.

Frame one:  You find her, contact was attempted.  She now knows who you are.  Once all of the information is gathered you wait patiently while she goes off to College.  You process Frame One.

Frame Two:  She talks about you, her friends check you out.  You randomly meet one of her childhood friends.  She processes Frame Two.

Frame Three:  You start to understand what happened.  You realized they played on your fears.  You now know what I wanted to tell you back then, the Agency lied to you, they took advantage of you.  You are now seeing what kind of people they are.  You process Frame Three.

Frame Four:  She spreads her wings, she graduates College and moves away.  She is finding her path.  She is processing Frame Four.

Frame Five:  You no longer keep the secret.  You don't hide the pain you carry.  You realize you have nothing to fear so you speak out, you speak your truth.  You are still processing Frame Five.

This is God's plan. (I shot him a dirty look)  God never wanted you separated from your child.  God is helping you two find your way back to one another.  God knows what they did to the two of you was wrong, so God is giving you frames to process, to help you grow, help keep you from being overwhelmed.  This is God's plan, to bring Mother and Child back together.  God wants for the two of you to have a healthy relationship and this is his way of making it happen.  Be patient, it is in God's hands.

All I could do was look at Steve and say "Damn it!  When am I going to get to the final frame?  This crap is making me crazy!"  He hugged me again, kissed me on the forehead and said, "Have faith, your time will come".

This still does not help me feel any better about not having Ashley around for Christmas this year!


Staci said...

I LOVE his version of God's plan. Oh my how I wish my momma would realize this, or anything for that matter. But she continues to nurse that Kool-aid. Steve, sounds awsome! My pastor is kind of like that, she plays no games with adoption either.

Susie said...

This post. These words, "God never wanted you separated from your child... God wants for the two of you to have a healthy relationship and this is his way of making it happen...

Wow. So powerful. Reading those words left me breathless. Now they have me crying...

Susie said...

By the way, I hope you don't mind if I write about this post and link to it. If so, please let me know!

Anonymous said...

I sort of like Steve's "frame" concept although it would help if you knew how many frames there were before the glorious conclusion! Patience is so difficult, isn't it? Hugs to you.


In Blind Faith said...

Staci - This is the version of God Steve taught me and my youth group growing up. This is why I get angry when "Adopters" say it is God's Plan.

Susie - Steve always had a way of saying things to get me to understand. This frame by frame reference really helped put me at ease. Yes, you can write about it and link it :-)

Sara - I told him I wanted to get to the final frame!! But looking at this as a frame helps keep me patient and this patience stuff is for the birds!!

Lots of hugs to all of you!!!!