Sunday, December 11, 2011

Is it a sign, or is fate messing with me?

My car was in the shop for the last few days, I had been driving my husband's truck to work in the meantime.  Yesterday my husband needed the truck so he had to take me to work.  The Salon I work at is in one of those "outdoor" shopping malls where there are little streets lined with stores and can be a pain driving through them because of all of the shoppers.  It wasn't even 9 am yet, the little roads were still fairly empty.  My husband pulled up front (I usually come in the back way and park in the back).  A jeep got my attention.

I slid out of the truck...staring at the back of that little black jeep.  Interesting...

I get inside and get my room ready then I go to sit up front with our receptionist.  Bored out of my mind I sit there and stare at that jeep.  The back window has "Chan***** 2012, get your tickets" written in the back window. and on the tailgate is a magnetic emblem of Ashley's college mascot.  The stylists who are employed by are salon were not there yet, I'm the only Aesthetician so I knew this vehicle didn't belong to any client of our Salon, this person must be a client of one of the stylists who leases a room...but which one, they were all busy.

The Receptionist laughed and asked "What are you staring at?"  So I told her, the black jeep.  She looked at it asked why was it so interesting....

Ashley drives a dark SUV, a different one, not a least she use to.  She went to P***** HS and they have this dance every spring called Chan***** and there is the emblem for the College she went to.  I know this is not her, or anyone in her family, but this is weird.  I see the mascot emblem everywhere so that's not a big deal.  It is very strange that a dark, small SUV is parked in front of the salon advertising a school dance that is located about 15-20 miles from this Salon.  Ashley went to P***** HS so I'm sure she attended the Chan***** dance and she went to that college.  Is this a sign or something?  Is fate screwing with me?

The receptionist looked at me confused, she asked who Ashley was.  I gave her the "Reader Digest Condensed Version".  All she could say was "Oh my God, how could you forgive your Mother?"  I told her  I have always been able to forgive, I just don't forget.

I am still focusing on this jeep when the front door opens, in walks a high school girl and her Mom.  They were heading towards one of the Independent Stylists.  This High School girl was wearing a P***** letter jacket.  "WHAT THE HELL?"

I sat there shocked.  Now this is getting weird.  The Receptionist's eyes got really big.  She said this was getting weird...we were too far away from that neighborhood for just a haircut. I agreed with her.  The last two places I worked it would be common seeing people from that school because I was over there.  Now I'm working 10 minutes from home, my town is still considered "The Sticks" even though it is growing.  The Receptionist and I agreed that the Mother and Daughter belonged to that Jeep...they had too.

About 15 or so minutes later I saw a woman getting into that Jeep.  The Receptionist and I watched her.  It wasn't the Mother and Daughter, it was someone else!  Seriously?  Two random people come in here to get their done and both are from the same area.  What was all this about?

Was this a sign?  What does this mean?  I told the Receptionist that just last night I posted about it being Christmas Time.  I had already accepted the fact that Ashley wants nothing to do with me, why was this being thrown in my face?  Is fate screwing with me?  Is someone sitting there laughing knowing we are two weeks away from Christmas and it will be another Christmas with my heart filled with emptiness?  This is cruel!!
The Receptionist looked at me and asked "Well, what do you want it to be?"  I want it to mean that I will finally have contact soon, but I know this isn't it.  This isn't fair!  I am being punished emotionally again!   A carrot is being dangled in front of me and no matter how patient and understanding I am I will never be able to catch that carrot.  Ashley wants nothing to do with me...her adoptive parents had made sure of that.  I don't blame Ashley, it was never her fault.  They had spent 23 years brainwashing her, filling her with guilt.

I checked facebook real message from her.  I checked her twitter...nothing mentioning this.  I checked her cute little blog...nothing posted that was adoption related.  Nothing...not one single little bit of a hint about adoption.

No, I don't think this a sign...I want it to be, but I don't think it is.  I think it's Fate screwing with me...throwing reminders of Ashley in my face, knowing Ashley won't come time for Christmas.

Or is something telling me to not give up?


Linda said...

Do NOT give up!! You never know what those signs mean, but I do believe they show up and mess with us. But do NOT give up!!

birthmothertalks said...

Never give up hoping please! Life can change and she could start having a change of heart.

In Blind Faith said...

No matter how much I try, or want to I am never able to give up. Something in my heart won't let me give up on her.

msusiecu said...

My search took 15 yrs because I could not get her info. She knew of my search and was not wanting contact because her life was all she could ever want. Thank God I presisted. We have been in reunion 6 yrs now. Have faith and believe and He will answer. That's what it took for me, found her the day I surrendered and believed.