Friday, December 9, 2011

It's Christmas Time...Does She Know?

Does Ashley know....

Does she know what time of year this is?

Does she know there is a Christmas Tree up decorated with ornaments, some made by my mom when I was a small child, some made by me.  Does she know there's room for ornaments if she chooses to make one?

Does she know what it feels like to be filled with love and excitement from her family on Christmas Eve and morning?  (I'm sure she feels this with her adoptive family during Hanuka...but I'm talking Christmas here)

Does she know I would still whip up a batch of magical reindeer food and we can set it out front on Christmas Eve night?

Does she know she could also join us in making the christmas cookies from scratch and decorate them?  A tradition my Mom started when I was itty bitty.

Does she know I would make her a stocking, with my hands...stitched together with love...for her too?

Does she know what it is like at my house on Christmas Eve when my home is filled with family?  Kids running through the house sock skating, laughter, hugs and the excitement when presents are opened?

Does she know that my sister would tuck her into bed after everyone leaves on Christmas eve and read 'Twas the Night Before Christmas to her...if she wanted...even though she is 23 now?

Does she know what the Dala Horses on my mantle mean?  Does she know the story behind them?  She'd get a Dala Horse too you know...if she came around.

Does she know what it is like to wake up on Christmas morning to find her stocking filled and presents under the tree from Santa?  (Santa still delivers to adults)

Does she know in my home on Christmas Day we spend the entire day in our pajamas watching movies and grazing on left overs from the night before?

Does she know how much I have missed her every Christmas?  Does she know I wish I was able to give her these special Christmas memories for the last 23 years?

Does she know she would be welcomed with open arms when we celebrate Christmas?

Does she know she has blood relatives who would love to have her around?

Does she know every year I silently wish she was with me at Christmas?  (I also wish for anytime of year)

Does she know how much love I have for her?

Does she know?

Does Ashley know?  

Does she even care?

Oh Ashley...dear, dear Ashley...I'm trying so hard to be patient...but this is tearing me up.  If only you would give me some sort of acknowledgment....  


Laurie said...

I totally feel your pain. On Jan. 28, 2012 it will be one year since he received the first letter I sent him. No response so far. He was raised Jewish as well. I wonder if he celebrates Christmas, if he thinks of me, if he cares. I am hoping for you, the same Christmas miracle I'm wishing for myself. Hang in there, one day our dreams will become true.

In Blind Faith said...

Thank you Laurie. I will add your son to my wish too. Lots of hugs!

Anonymous said...

I too am waiting for a reply from my son.My son was also raised Jewish and at this time of the year, more than any, I'm aware of how different things would have been had he not been relinquised. I'm grateful that I have the two of you to share the angst with, and to benefit from your words of wisdom.We can never give up hope, I've been in the depths of despair, and much prefer to stay positive.All the best to you, and I hope those miracles come soon. Veronika

Anonymous said...

Hugs to you! I'm sorry that you still haven't heard anything - it does make for a more difficult holiday season, I'm sure. Take care - hopefully you will one day be able to share all of these wonderful family traditions with her as well!
Sara B.

Linda said...

This was beautiful and made me cry. I hope your daughter will contact you soon...

Anonymous said...

I am waiting, too. It's been over a year since I first contacted my daughter. This waiting hurts, doesn't it? And this post captures my thoughts of the season exactly.