Tuesday, November 20, 2012
I Got An Email!!!
Yesterday morning I was checking my email and there was an email that caught my attention. I started shaking and tears started running down my face and I was so scared I was felling nauseous.
Could it be?
Can it really be what I think it is?
I open up the email and OMG! Butter my butt and call me a biscuit, I just received an email from Ashley!!
I read the email a couple of times, was I dreaming this? Nope, it's real.
I sent a text to a friend who helped me with the video to let her know and then I called my Mom. Mom kept saying "read it! read it!" I told Mom I wanted to throw up, so Mom kept telling me to breathe, it was going to be okay. So I read her the email.
My head was spinning.
In the email she thanked me, thanked me for the video, thanked me for the package. She said the video had answered some questions she had wondered about and she was pleasantly surprised with what I said I the video and the video left her feeling warmth, calm and a sense of resolution.
I honestly didn't think she would watch the video this soon...hell....I wasn't expecting a response this quick!!!
There are a few things that did send me on the defensive real quick. Way back when I talked about a friend of hers who came to me one day and the friend figured out who I was and then the friend had come back a few days later. Well, Ashley is upset with me because her friend had carried this burden on her shoulders. WHOA! Hold the phone!! I didn't search out the friend, the friend was a client who figured out who I was. When the friend asked me what to do I told her only she knew the answer to that, she is an adult, I can not tell her what to do, she knows Ashley and knows if she should tell her or not. I did tell her if Ashley was anything like me she would be upset if she ever found out the friend met me and never said anything. So the friend carrying this burden is my fault, how?
Then Ashley tells me that adoption is very personal and doesn't like that I talk about it. What? Yes, adoption is very personal. But there is no way in hell I am going to go back into that God Forsaken Birth Mother Closet of Secrecy. Okay, breathe...she grew up on the kool-aid....in time she will know....she grew up on the kool-aid....she grew up on the kool-aid.
The last thing she mentions that threw me on the defensive was that the Agency will be there for her when she is ready...she will go to the Agency. Yes, the Agency that coerced, threatened, manipulated me so they could take my child. The Agency lied to me, if they lied to me then chances are pretty good they lied to Ashley's Adoptive Parents, and if they lied to us they will lie to Ashley.
Okay, I need to stop working this over....
I got an email!!!
She gave a list of her interests...it was like reading a description of me...it was crazy!! I LOVED it!!
Now the funny thing is...Friday I posted about that feeling I had....looks like this was it!! YAY!!!
While I was busy freaking out over the email on the phone to Mom my sister sent me a text. I called my sister and she said she had a feeling something big was happening with me and she wanted to check on me. I asked her "Big like I got an email?" My sister was so excited she cried. She also told me about having weird dreams about strangers being around during the holidays, so I told her about my dream last Thursday night about Ashley being with us at Christmas. We were both quiet for a moment...who knows, guess we will just have to wait and see...with our fingers crossed.
I wanted to let y'all know I got and email and I'm so excited!! I haven't responded back yet because I need to get past those few things that threw me on the defensive. I don't want the response to be defensive or sound bitchy. Just because I got off the kool-aid doesn't mean that Ashley even knows she has a choice to refuse the kool-aid.
YAY!!! WOO HOO!!! I GOT AN EMAIL!!!!