I was thinking about the post I did the other night...the ADD/OCD thing and few nights ago my husband commenting about how I need to relax a little. So it got me thinking...
How is a Mother suppose to behave when she loses her child to adoption? What is she suppose to do when she realizes she was manipulated and believed the lies she was told for so many years? Hell yeah, I'm going to be a little skitzy and have to maintain some sense of control about myself. I'm not some animal that doesn't care that her first child is out there somewhere. I've been called many things in the last 23 years and I have worn that scarlet letter on my chest...like Hester Prim in The Scarlet Letter. This is what our society has done to First Mothers, we are treated like trash so the "Baby Brokers" can make their profits and families can be torn apart.
Maybe it's just me, but no Mother should be separated from their child so an "Agency" can profit, it's really a legalized form of baby selling. The "Agencies" swoop in on unsuspecting, scared, and naive unwed Mothers, tell them stories about how they are "giving a gift to a couple who so desperately needs a child", then after delivery the Mother can pick up where she left off and continue life like nothing ever happened. BULLSHIT!
I'm not a baby factory, I'm not some cheap whore. I'm a Mother who is worrying about her First Child, a Mother trying to figure out what I did that was so wrong to cause her First Child to not give a damn about the woman who has unconditionally loved her from conception.
18 days until her 23rd Birthday... *sigh*