Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Does My First Daughter Think Of Me?

I was reading the latest post on [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum, Does My Natural Mother Ever Think Of Me? like Lorraine I am reminded of losing my First Daughter to adoption everyday.  Over the last five years I have  unexpectedly crossed paths with friends of my First Daughter, I have received lots of tidbits of information about her and I have seen recent pictures of her.  So with all of this information I began to wonder...does my First Daughter think of me?

The reason I ask this is because of the debate of Nature vs Nurture and in my honest opinion...Nature always wins, especially in my case.

Personalities seem to be inherited, at least in my family.  My Paternal Aunt was amazed at how much my younger sister was like my paternal Grandmother.  Not only does my sister have our Grandmother's personality, but she talks like her, sounds like her and even has the same body language as her.  Funny thing is, my parents never brought my sister around our Grandmother because she was an alcoholic so my sister never had the chance to pick up on any of the behaviors from our Grandmother.  I have a paternal cousin, I saw her briefly when I was young, we were about the same age, but we did not grow up together.  A tornado blew through their town, wiping everything out back in the 70's so that small part of my family packed up and moved to Oregon.  In 2001, I was reunited with that part of my family.  My older cousin's grown son thought it was hilarious how much my cousin and I were alike.  He would say we were twins separated at birth...except we didn't look anything alike. We had the same personality...we could complete each others sentences!

Three people have told me that my First Daughter and I had the same quirky personality.  She is animated like me and laughs easily like me.  These people also said that I was probably the only person who would be able to keep up with her quickly changing topics in a conversation because I do the same thing.  So does my First Daughter wonder where she gets these traits?  Does she think of me?

I grew up studying art.  My Mother was an artist, she use to paint with watercolors and oils.  When I was younger, before my parents divorced, my Mother use to encourage me to paint.  My mother put down her paint brushes when my parents divorced and she never picked them up again.  My Mother's Father was an artist.  He preferred metal, he welded.  My Mother still has the iron coffee table my Grandfather created on her back patio.  My Grandfather even created the Masonic Emblem for his Lodge in South Dallas, it is now displayed in a Masonic Museum.  My Great Grandfather (maternal grandfather's father) was also an artist.  Like my Mother, he painted.  My medium was pencil and acrylic paints.  When I went to college my major was Advertising Art and I was starting to get interested in Graphic Arts when I had to quit college.

My First Daughter majored in Advertising Art.  I couldn't believe it!  I had to call my Mother and tell her we now know the artistic ability that runs in our family is definitely inherited and not taught.  So does my First Daughter wonder where she gets this ability?  Does she think of me?

A friend of mine found a picture of my First Daughter after she turned 18.  He sent it to me with a note saying to call him before I looked at the picture.  I called, I asked if he was sure this was her.  He told me he knew it was and open the attachment and I would see why.  I opened the picture.  There in front of me was the very first picture I saw of her grown was like looking at a picture of me, except for the chin and eye color.  Another person who knew my First Daughter because her daughter went to Junior High and High School with my First Daughter brought in years books.  It was like looking at my year book pictures, except the hair style was different.

Is my First Daughter aware of where she gets her traits from?  I know she had made the comment before that if she wanted to know anything she would go to the Agency.  Doesn't she know that reading forms and half truth documents isn't going to tell her about her?  About where she came from?  About who she really is?  Does she wonder where her build, her facial features, her hands, slightly narrow feet come from?  Does she wonder about any of this?  Does she think of me?


birthmothertalks said...

I just found your blog a couple weeks ago and have been catching up on your story. I was forced into an adoption that I didn't want and found out when my daughter was 16 years of age that she was living about 1/2 mile from my ex husband and oldest son. Also, my son was riding the school bus with the child the aparents had a few years biologically after they adopted my daughter. I wrote letters to her parents and none were ever answered. Right after my daughter turned 18 years of age I contacted her on a social network site and we been in contact every since and have met. She did tell me that she thought and wondered about me but if I hadn't made contact she wouldn't have met me. We don't have the best relationship yet but it's something. I hope someday you get to meet your daughter too.

In Blind Faith said...

Every since my First Daughter moved about 300 miles south I seriously thought about contacting her through a social network site. I thought maybe with her being so far away from me and her adoptive parents that maybe she wouldn't be as scared?? I have heard that her circle of friends would be completely supportive and they have even tried to encourage her to make contact, but I'm guessing she would be afraid of upsetting her adoptive parents. Getting second hand information is driving me nuts and I'm a little afraid of pushing her away if I make contact.

birthmothertalks said...

Hi. My first thoughts about contacting my daughter through a social network was not to do it. I didn't know a lot of details on what she knew and I imagined the shock that could happen should she not be as informed as she was.
I am not sure what I would have done if I knew my daughter could have had a way to contact me without going through an agency or her parents. In the end, I had to find out for myself if she wanted to know me or not.