Thursday, September 22, 2011

Adoption Sucks!

Monday, September 19, 2011 about 10:15pm I get a phone call from Mom, "Daddy is in the hospital.  This shouldn't be a big deal, but I just wanted to let you know."  I told Mom to call and let me know if anything changes.

Monday about 11:00pm I just went to bed when the phone rings, it's my sister.  At first she's crying so hard I can't understand what she is saying.  Then she tells me "Daddy".  I told her I was on my way.

Monday about 11:15pm, I'm on my way to the hospital.  As I am driving, I'm trying to shake the sleepiness off and fight back the tears.  Daddy is my super awesome, totally cool, kick ass step dad.  He married my mom in 1996 when I was 26.  I wasn't around him for the first couple of years before they got married because I was having issues with my mom.  As I got to know this man, he became daddy.  He was more of a Daddy to my sister and I in the last 15 years then our own fathers were (biological or adopted).  

By the time I pull out of my neighborhood it hits me.  Adoption sucks!  Another person who is very important to me is being ripped from my life, another person I wanted Ashley to meet.

I was in the emergency room a little before midnight.  He had a stoke which caused a massive brain bleed, once he was off the ventilator he could survive one or two days.  It was my job to reach my step brothers (because I am a little squeamish) and then call every one else after the sun came up.  About 7:30am on Tuesday, he was taken off of the respirator and moved to a room upstairs, made comfortable, given a morphine drip and a DNR tag.

Wednesday afternoon, I had a total of 5 1/2 hours sleep since arriving at the hospital, I left the hospital for about 30 minutes on Tuesday night and that was it.  We had convinced my Mom to go down to the cafeteria to get away for a little bit, she left with my aunt and her best friend.  My sister and cousins left for my sister's house to decompress for a little while.  I stayed behind, I stayed and held his hand, counting the seconds between each breath.  About 1:15 my older step brother showed up.  I didn't know he was coming so early and I was so glad to see him.  It was just the two of us, alone with Daddy.  About 1:30 ish, Daddy took his last breath. 

Adoption has erased another important person I wanted Ashley to meet.  She will never laugh at his jokes, she will never know this super awesome, totally cool, kick ass man.  Adoption Sucks!


Anonymous said...

I am so sorry for the loss of your Daddy and for the fact that Ashley won't be able to know him....Please take care of yourself.

Sara B.

Jeannette said...

I'm sorry for your loss, for your families loss, and for Ashley's loss. We never truly knew the pain, the loss, the hurt of placing our children.

Anonymous said...

My deepest sympathies - I'm so sorry for your loss. Your daughter may never know your Dad but his memory lives on through you. I'm sure you'll have some great stories to tell her.

Anonymous said...

Sorry to her about your dad. I think about my daughter and how she did not get to know my dad and brother. You are so right--adoption does suck.


In Blind Faith said...

Thank you so much!! My Mom included Ashley in the grandchild headcount for the obit...that made my day a little brighter.

Cassi said...

I am so sorry for your loss and the pain you're struggling with.

jgf said... adoptee being included in the head count. that's really progressive from my perspective.

if i were ashley, it would mean the world to me.

i'm so sorry for your loss:((((

jgf said...

oh no.........i'm so sorry:(

for what it's worth, it would have meant the world to me to have been included in an obituary.