Monday, September 19, 2011

You aren't good enough to be a Mother


I must have heard this a thousand times when I went for my counseling brainwashing sessions at the Agency.  They actually had me convinced I was not good enough.  And let me tell you...they were WRONG!  W-R-O-N-G...WRONG!!

My kept daughter who I will call Cindy has always been an interesting child.  She is pretty level headed for a 12 year old who just started 7th grade.  One of the things about her that I find fascinating is how she handles things.  Drama follows her wherever she goes, she tries to avoid it, but we are talking about a bunch of 12-13 year old girls with raging hormones...drama will be everywhere.  Cindy tries not to get wrapped up in the drama, she watches how things play out.  She tries to remain neutral, like Switzerland, but when one of her friends has been hurt she will stand up for them.  Since she tries not to get in the middle of things and she tries to help her friends work out the problems she has quite a following.  She's pretty good about standing up for what is right.  

It's almost like she is wise beyond her years, if this makes any sense.  I don't know if she is like this because she is being raised as an only child, or if it is because my husband and I have always given her the tools to handle sticky situations, or if she has an old soul.  She has this amazing ability to stand back and watch and come up with solutions to help solve the problems.

Now she isn't always like this...there are times where she does some REALLY stupid things!  Nobody's perfect.

Since the first day of school Cindy has had this substitute teacher for her 7th grade reading class.  No one knows what happened to the teacher and no one knows when she is coming back.  Sometime during the first week the substitute told the class that she use to be a teacher in the ********** school district.  This got Cindy's attention, she knew I attended this school district and she knew Ashley attended school in the same district I grew up in.  When class was over Cindy approached the substitute and asked her if she knew Ashley.  The substitute asked which school did she attend.  Cindy wasn't sure and told her she would find out and let her know.

I have to admit that this did freak me out a little bit.  I told Cindy she needed to be careful with who she shares this information with.  She told me she was being careful, so I gave her Ashley's full name and the name of the junior high and high school she attended.

The next day Cindy gave the substitute the name and schools.  The substitute didn't teach at any of these schools.  She asked Cindy why she was so interested in this person, so Cindy told her she was her half sister and I lost her to adoption when Ashley was a baby.  The substitute told Cindy that her husband and sister-in-law were adopted.  Cindy asked if they found their First Mothers.  The substitute told her no.  Cindy told her they should try, chances are their First Mothers were hurting like me and they might have a younger half sister who is hurting too, like Cindy.

I was shocked when Cindy told me this.  She said it so "as a matter of fact" and she told me she was only speaking the truth...adoption is painful.

Later that night I kind of laughed about it.  They told me I wasn't good enough to be a mother.  Turns out, I was good enough and I'm doing a pretty good job with my second daughter.  Cindy knows she has a voice and she is allowed to state her opinion and she knows not everyone will agree with her and she is figuring out how to stand up for what is right.  Looks like my second daughter just might grow up to be a thorn in the "money grabbing adoption machine's" side.


Barbara Thavis said...

Yea, Cindy!!! I hope Ashley comes around soon!

Anonymous said...

Bravo to your daughter (and her mom!) I, too, hope you hear something soon.


Anonymous said...

this reminds me of when my b-niece (thru my b-sister) was asking questions about it all and said, "man. adoption sucks." yes, kid. it does.